Ways Society Gaslights and Stonewalls Autistic People

  • “Autistic people, adults and children, are infantilized, gaslighted, and manipulated regularly by society – individuals and institutions.”
  • “all [the below] contribute to the way in which society functions like a narcissistic parent with regards to how autistic people are perceived and treated”
  • “It took about ten minutes to collect these responses from autistic adults and teens”
  • “in order for autistic people to gain parity and to live without the extant trauma of constant social messaging that is toxic and destructive– non-autistic people have to take a stand”
  • “Telling us that our sensory differences are “no big deal” and that we just need to “be resilient” and learn to deal with it.”
  • “assume we can habituate when we can’t”
  • “many of us grew up in environments that weren’t conducive to fostering our talents”
  • “only measure empathy in NT ways like eye contact or understanding NT behaviour”
  • “When ABA therapists claim that ABA therapy for 40 hours is not exhausting for small children because it’s “just play,” when social play can be beyond-exhausting over extended periods of time for autistic kids.”
  • “Their version of empathy is, “I accept and appreciate X, but if you become more like us, it won’t be a problem.” That ain’t empathy!”
  • “Telling us our special interests are stupid, a waste of time, or not age/gender appropriate.”
  • “NT person says something and autistic person misunderstands it: It’s the autistic person’s fault because they have processing difficulties. Autistic person says something and NT person misunderstands it: It’s the autistic person’s fault because they have impaired communication skills.
  • “generally, the autistic person is the one literally stating or carrying out the desired or indicated action, while the NT person is relying on assumption, innuendo, tone of voice, body language”
  • “The idea that the NT person could have communicated unclearly or ambiguously is never even considered”
  • “you tell them to take you literally and there is no subtext… and they still insist the subtext is there” - “hate manipulation” - “constantly accused of being a manipulator because it’s not believed that there is no subtext in my words”
  • “Acting like we need to just ‘try harder’ to be gainfully employed”
  • “The assumption that autistic style and communication aren’t sexy; thinking adult autistics don’t want relationships or don’t make good partners.”
  • “Judging the impact of our autism based on how well we are “functioning,” aka masking”
  • “Telling us to “be ourselves,” but when we actually are they basically say, “but not like that.””
  • “Defining the goals of our “therapy” for us based on what they think we should want.”
  • “Assuming that we wish we were not autistic.”
  • “Being treated like an adult child after disclosing autism”
  • “Judging the depth of our thoughts/feelings by our nonverbal communication– or lack thereof”
  • “If our facial expressions and body language aren’t “expressive” enough, they insist that we are unfeeling.”
  • “Always being ‘Too Much.’
  • “Living in a perpetual state of apology”
  • “deference for the rest of the world “tolerating” it.”
  • “Telling us we need to ‘agree to disagree’ about when they are doing things that are absolutely oppressive.”
  • “Telling autistic people that they are unqualified to discuss autism because they don’t have doctorates in a social science – whilst they themselves don’t have doctorates in a social science”
  • “Telling young autistic children that they are smart and full of potential for qualities that 20 years later will deny them success and professional access.”
  • “we are always in the wrong […] when any misunderstandings erupt”
  • “pathologizing our logical, reasoned approach to problem-solving as lacking in empathy.”
  • “regarded as pedantic or difficult by mental health care providers and physicians”
  • “misdiagnosed as having a variety of personality disorders, mood disorders, or hypochondria”
  • “In professional literature, framing information about autistic people in a way that characterizes them solely according to perceived deficits while neglecting to acknowledge strengths.”
  • “You learn early your contents are somehow inherently Wrong.”