Trans Rules of Engagement

  • “the very conditions that create our need for community care make it hard for us to care for each other. We are raw, wounded, traumatized, and hypervigilant.” ⤴️
  • “We lash out at each other when we do wrong, often partaking in pile-ons facilitated by the synchronous nature of online interactions.” ⤴️
  • “as Kai Cheng Thom has taught us, social death often means real death for trans people.” ⤴️
  • “The principles and rules are meant to be adopted for oneself, not imposed onto others. Their purpose is to foster productive engagement, not create even more conflict and rigidity.” ⤴️
  • “I hope that this will be a living document, and invite you to make your own version” ⤴️
  • “Borrow what is useful, supplement with what is needed, alter what can be improved.” ⤴️
  • “I am staking a claim as to the sort of myths and half-truths that are necessary to sustain life in a world that wants us dead.” ⤴️
  • “Many of our actions say more about the conditions we live under than who we are as people.” ⤴️
  • “No one is disposable. No one is unsalvageable.” ⤴️
  • “Harm does not require further harm. Punishment does not equate protection or healing.” ⤴️
  • “Morgan M. Page’s Rule: Try to avoid criticizing other trans people in public. The world does it enough already.” ⤴️
  • “Favor in person or private conversations: Addressing someone’s comments or actions in person or privately is typically more constructive and effective. It allows you to communicate more cogently and with more nuance” ⤴️
  • “Take your time: Few things require an immediate response.” ⤴️
  • “Don’t mob: Be aware of group dynamics.” ⤴️
  • “De-escalate: Focus on de-escalating conflicts. Ask what people mean or want, and why. Ask them for clarification or elaboration” ⤴️
  • “Distinguish the action from the person,” ⤴️
  • “conflict can trigger a fight-or-flight response in both those who are criticized and who criticize, which leads to escalating conflict” ⤴️
  • “Use language that reflects the nuances and gradations of harm rather than a coarse good and evil binary.” ⤴️
  • “Cutting all social support and community banishment are rarely a proportionate response,” ⤴️
  • “asking first and foremost what response sustains rather than dissolves life.” ⤴️
  • “Distinguish supporting a person from enabling their behavior.” ⤴️
  • “Hold space for people to grow” ⤴️
  • “Holding accountable, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are functions that should be taken up by the collective, not isolated and unsupported individuals.” ⤴️
  • “the very conditions that create our need for community care make it hard for us to care for each other. We are raw, wounded, traumatized, and hypervigilant.” ⤴️
  • “We lash out at each other when we do wrong, often partaking in pile-ons facilitated by the synchronous nature of online interactions.” ⤴️
  • “as Kai Cheng Thom has taught us, social death often means real death for trans people.” ⤴️
  • “The principles and rules are meant to be adopted for oneself, not imposed onto others. Their purpose is to foster productive engagement, not create even more conflict and rigidity.” ⤴️
  • “I hope that this will be a living document, and invite you to make your own version” ⤴️
  • “Borrow what is useful, supplement with what is needed, alter what can be improved.” ⤴️
  • “I am staking a claim as to the sort of myths and half-truths that are necessary to sustain life in a world that wants us dead.” ⤴️
  • “Many of our actions say more about the conditions we live under than who we are as people.” ⤴️
  • “No one is disposable. No one is unsalvageable.” ⤴️
  • “Harm does not require further harm. Punishment does not equate protection or healing.” ⤴️
  • “Morgan M. Page’s Rule: Try to avoid criticizing other trans people in public. The world does it enough already.” ⤴️
  • “Favor in person or private conversations: Addressing someone’s comments or actions in person or privately is typically more constructive and effective. It allows you to communicate more cogently and with more nuance” ⤴️
  • “Take your time: Few things require an immediate response.” ⤴️
  • “Don’t mob: Be aware of group dynamics.” ⤴️
  • “De-escalate: Focus on de-escalating conflicts. Ask what people mean or want, and why. Ask them for clarification or elaboration” ⤴️
  • “Distinguish the action from the person,” ⤴️
  • “conflict can trigger a fight-or-flight response in both those who are criticized and who criticize, which leads to escalating conflict” ⤴️
  • “Use language that reflects the nuances and gradations of harm rather than a coarse good and evil binary.” ⤴️
  • “Cutting all social support and community banishment are rarely a proportionate response,” ⤴️
  • “asking first and foremost what response sustains rather than dissolves life.” ⤴️
  • “Distinguish supporting a person from enabling their behavior.” ⤴️
  • “Hold space for people to grow” ⤴️
  • “Holding accountable, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are functions that should be taken up by the collective, not isolated and unsupported individuals.” ⤴️